One of the biggest mistakes students make is rushing through the story. They form points using 5W1H but they are reluctant or forget to expand them. Teachers are seldom impressed by a skeletal presentation of a story. Consider the follow:
We were stuck at sea. I was angry at Sara but there was nothing we could do. Suddenly, a shark appeared. We were so scared.
There's just not enough content or language to fill up a paragraph.
I've been training a new P6 student, targetting her climax. This is the result after three months.
"I knew I should not have listened to you! Now we are stranded in the middle of an ocean on a canoe!" I shouted, my blood boiling. Sara avoided eye contat but I stared icily at her.
Despite my rage, my heart hammered in my chest and dread twisted in my gut. "There... there's something in the water..." Sara whispered, her voice which was tinged with fear broke the tension. A huge shadow was circling our canoe.
I was in a complete state of panic. We kept very still but colours had already drained out of my face.
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