For those who want a wonderfully written section sprinkled with language and literary devices, this is not it. This is a one stuffed offering - yes, at first glance, there's just so many words and phrases.
It must be good!
I agree, to a certain extent - it's great teaching material for language but not so much when it comes to personal voice. It feels stilted and lacks character; it seems like it was written with the sole purpose of showcasing language prowess.
But writing a story is more than that.
Otherwise, I would rather read a dictionary.
The deafening crackle of flames engulfed the kitchen, their hungry tongues dancing with an insatiable fervor. A malevolent inferno roared and roared, its orange and yellow waves leaping and licking at the air, consuming everything in their path. The boy, heart pounding like a timpani drum, stood in the center of the chaos, his mind a tempest of fear and panic.
The scent of burning wood and melting plastic assaulted his nostrils, a noxious symphony of danger. The acrid smoke, thick as a suffocating fog, clawed at his throat, stinging his eyes like shards of glass. His senses were awash in chaos, each one screaming its own warning.
He could taste the metallic tang of fear on his tongue, a bitter cocktail of adrenaline and despair. Sweat poured down his forehead, mingling with tears that dripped like liquid diamonds, testament to the battle he fought against the engulfing blaze. The scorching heat radiated like a malevolent sun, searing his skin and filling the air with a blistering intensity.
In his trembling hands, the fire extinguisher became his weapon of hope, its weight both a burden and a lifeline. With a surge of determination, he aimed its nozzle at the furious conflagration, his fingers gripping the handle like a vice. Each step he took was weighted with the gravity of a thousand mountains, the crackling blaze seeming to mock his efforts.
But the boy pressed forward, his spirit an indomitable force amidst the chaos. The extinguisher's release sent forth a torrent of white, icy foam, a torrent that danced and contorted in mid-air, like a graceful ballerina twirling through a tempestuous storm. The foam's touch upon the flames was a whisper of hope, a balm upon the scorching wounds of the kitchen.
With every blast, the fire recoiled, its ferocity tempered by the boy's unwavering determination. The flames hissed and sputtered, like a wounded beast retreating from its predator. The battle raged on, the boy and the fire locked in a primal dance of survival.
As the last vestiges of the inferno were quelled, the boy stood amidst a battlefield of charred remnants. Smoke curled lazily into the air, reminiscent of a defeated army's retreat. The kitchen lay ravaged, its once vibrant colors subdued by the ashes and soot.
But amidst the devastation, the boy stood tall, his spirit unbroken. He had battled the fire, fought the fear, and emerged victorious. He was forever marked by the experience, his heart tempered by the crucible of flames. And as he surveyed the smoldering aftermath, he knew that within him burned the resilience of a hero, a flame that could never be extinguished.
So, to answer the question, yes. There can be too much vocabulary. You should not do it at the expense of story telling. If you would like to find out more, do reach out .